My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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