ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
