I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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