I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
