i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
