Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
