i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Found the puke drawer
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
