just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is this like a preordered booty call?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
