Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
