Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The beer is more important than you right now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
