Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
