Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize