i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
