Your dad touched me again.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
