Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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