I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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