Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
