i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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