Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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