i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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