Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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