somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
