I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
