I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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