I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
