I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
