Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
