My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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