i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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