i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
