Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i think i have two assholes
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
