i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
