i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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