Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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