worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
