I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
