hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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