I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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