He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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