I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I supernannyed him into submission
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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