Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Two words: blizzard sex
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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