i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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