I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
