i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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