I need help removing her.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
