You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
