if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
