I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
