One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
