weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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