I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
