wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
