i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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