there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
