I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
