Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
