I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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