Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
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Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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