so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
