my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Randomize
