The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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