Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
