Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
