Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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