What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
