I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
