i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
