My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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