The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
