Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize