Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
