Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
