they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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