i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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