So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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