is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
