I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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