Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
